They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
