dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
