I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
