I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
