The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude. I can hear the air.
So apparently I’m into choking now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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