You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
