...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
