You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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