I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
