Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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