Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
