i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
