Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
