Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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