When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
