i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
