how can u be prego again
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
