like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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