Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize