So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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