I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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