At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
