Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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