Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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