I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
