This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
