sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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