Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
