haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
