I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
