Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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