People in love make me want to vomit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He felt like a one man threesome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
