I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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