oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
