mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
