Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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