Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
