Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
