I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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