i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
