Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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