and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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