Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
