were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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