im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
