I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
