I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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