I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
