you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
