i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
